My reputation precedes me

Conversation at Tesco:

Checkout girl: Oooh! What an enormous, flabby penis!
Me: I beg your pardon!
Checkout girl: What an enormous bag of peanuts!
Me: Oh, right! Yes… They're for my garden bird-feeder.

I could have written for The Two Ronnies you know.

More commerce-based hilarity:
[Doesn't an awful lot seem to happen to me at Tesco?]
Filed under: Nonsense

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.


  1. I turned on the TV to hear Bill Oddie say 'tits like watermelons' following this with 'they will also eat bacon rind' (this I must see!)

  2. Totally true story:

    I was in Rymans the stationers when a young lad came in asking if they had any jobs. He had two A4 sheets of a rather crumpled cv in his hand which he wanted to hand in. "Have you got a stapler?" he asked. Hmm, slight lack of research there...

  3. Another totally true story: as Hitchin and I were leaving a Velvet Underground concert in London, a passer-by asked us if we knew the way to the underground:

    "Yeah, they're back there, wearing the sunglasses," replied Hitchin, pipping me by 0.3 seconds.

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