NewsBiscuit: Smokers banned from naming or pointing at favourite brand
In further moves to discourage smoking, the Department of Health have announced a complete ban on naming your favourite brand of cigarette or pointing at them in the newsagents and tobacconists.
From now on smokers will have to perform an elaborate round of charades to express their desire to purchase a packet of cigarettes' explained Jane Shillitoe, Under Secretary of State for Health. 'For example, '20 Benson and Hedges' would involve flashing both palms twice, then doing a sounds-like hen move, then indicating a sun, then a little cross to symbolise the word 'and', and finally a mime which recreates a pair of garden hedges. We expect to reduce smoking across the population, except possibly among mime artists.'
I love the idea of a National Tutting Day. Very British - but open to terrible misuse, but it could be satisfying nonetheless. In the USA they could have a Marge Simpson 'growl' day, to the same effect. An alternative for northern England could be a Les Dawson 'Cissy & Ada' day - crossing your arms tightly over a too ample bosom and gurning disapproval.
I feel sorry for Sue Perkins!