We will fight them on the beaches

My grandad fought the Nazis, you know. In Africa. REME. He was injured out. Never fully recovered. Spent the next 50 years gradually deteriorating.

I don't think grandad was a great idealist. He fought the Germans because he had to: we were at war. He was probably totally unaware of all the evil stuff the Nazi Party was up to, but he probably thought he was fighting for king and country, to preserve our way of life. A way of life which, let's face it, is worth preserving.

But one thing's for certain: grandad didn't go to war against Rommel for us to have to put up with shit like this:

Is this why grandad fought the Nazis?

Have you ever seen a dog on a beach? It's just about the most joyous sight there is. Dogs are what beaches are for.

I'm thinking of hiring an elephant, painting a Union Jack on the side, and taking it for a walk on Bridlington beach, just to make some sort of point.

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.


  1. Don't you love the first time you take a dog to the shoreline, and watch as it blows the dog's mind away. Not so keen on the next bit where they try to drink as much as they can....and vomit it all back. I would imagine that vomit, shit and nervous people are the reasoning for this ban. I'd like to go one better and ban all children, as they are too 'high-maintenance'.

  2. Just as long as you clean up after Nellie, I'm sure that nobody would mind. When the circus came to town (in the days when they were allowed to use animals) they would exercise the elephants on the beach. Dad would go down with a bucket for the roses.

    A useful tip...the best way to keep unwanted pets off your garden...lion shit! Most safari parks sell it.

  3. My other half puts elephant shit on her strawberries if she can get hold of any. I prefer cream on mine.


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