De-fibulators

BBC: Police consider lie detector tests Police in the North West could soon use lie detection tests to interrogate suspects… The Silent Talker device has been developed in the region and is touted as having a 90% success rate. As opposed to tossing a coin, which has a 50% success rate. Come to think of… Continue reading De-fibulators

Published
Filed under: Nonsense

Freewheeling

When I'm not rescuing little birds from drainpipes, I like to save the planet in other ways. This morning, I decided to help reduce demands on the world's limited petrochemical resources by freewheeling my car into town. I live near the top of a hill, and the town is a mile away in the bottom… Continue reading Freewheeling

Published
Filed under: Nonsense

Tits out

I did a very fine and noble thing this afternoon. I suppose it would be a whole lot nobler if I didn't tell anyone about it, but that's just not my style. I was just about to start mowing the lawn, when I heard a right old racket coming from a nearby drainpipe. Rats, I… Continue reading Tits out

Published
Filed under: Nonsense

Big nob

An emailer (whom, for what I hope are obvious reasons, I have anonymised) writes: …I was searching for an image on google using the phrase "big nob" and was presented with a picture of "Stense" and nothing else !! Dammit if he isn't right. I've worked out why this happens and, Stense, if you're reading… Continue reading Big nob

Literary Greats

BBC: Rare Woolf manuscripts bought A series of previously unpublished manuscripts hand-written by Virginia Woolf are among a collection that has been bought by The British Library. The manuscripts form part of two mock newspapers composed by Woolf's nephews, Julian and Quentin Bell, as children. Mock newspaper articles: hardly likely to be of the calibre… Continue reading Literary Greats

Published
Filed under: Nonsense

Old perv

It was my birthday yesterday. It was also the 20th anniversary of my being legally entitled to buy myself a pint. So I celebrated in the most appropriate way: by going down the pub and drinking large amounts of lovely, strong, warm British beer. Not bad for a Wednesday afternoon. The day before, I received… Continue reading Old perv

Snail mail

Nobody I sent post cards to from Barcelona over a fortnight ago has received them yet. Friends, I sent them, honest I did - although I'm beginning to suspect that the yellow postbox I wasn't too sure about might have been a Metro air-conditioning vent after all. Postscript: The post cards finally arrived.

Published
Filed under: Nonsense

Comedy classic

My dad's favourite gardening fork broke recently, so he asked me if I could try to get him a new handle from the local hardware shop. Yes, that's right, this morning I finally got to walk into a hardware shop and ask for "fork handles". The woman behind the counter smiled knowingly. "Would that be… Continue reading Comedy classic

Published
Filed under: Nonsense

Finding my audience

I'm losing my touch. I was at a meeting this morning where there were three people named Richard sitting next to each other. "I suppose this is what you call an embarrassment of Richards," I remarked amusingly… Not a sausage; not even a snigger. Then, to make matters worse, I meet Carolyn for coffee, and… Continue reading Finding my audience

Published
Filed under: Nonsense