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BBC: 'Prince of thieves' shot dead
A man who admitted stealing jewellery belonging to the Prince of Wales has been shot dead at his Italian home.
You can run, but you can't hide from the House of Windsor—and especially not from Charlie 'the Don' Windsor.
Apparently, the Don had a nasty shock recently when he woke up to find a horse's head on the pillow next to him—but he was all right, it turned out to be Camilla.
Don Windsor, didn't he used to be in It Ain't Half Hot, Mum?
BBC: Poles party for Pope's jubilee
Celebrations have begun across Poland to mark Pope John Paul II's silver jubilee next week… For many, our correspondent reports, the Pope is regarded as the greatest Pole in history.
Greatest Pole in history? What about Chopin? What about Madame Curie? What about Szymanowski? What about bloody Copernicus, for Christ's sake? Yeah, Copernicus: remember him? He's the one who pointed out that the pope might not be all that infallible when it came to the whole earth-round-sun vs. sun-round-earth debate. Yes, Copernicus gets my vote.
One sign of someone's greatness is when you refer to them using just their surname, and everyone knows who you're talking about—Chopin, Curie, Szymanowski, Copernicus, Darwin, Newton, Einstein, Churchill—you get the idea. So what's this about the pope being great? Wojtyla, I ask you!
I seem to be having a bit of a downer on the pope today—just for a change.
BBC: Mt Schwarzenegger looms into view (11-Oct-03)
Georgia - the country in Europe, not the American state - plans to name a mountain after Arnold Schwarzenegger.
All of Arnold's gay fans will be delighted: now they'll finally be able to announce that they're going to Mount Schwarzenegger.
(Hey, fair do. Each to his own, and all that. Don't knock it till you've tried it. Horses for Caucasus.)
Last year we had a go at growing our own potatoes. We planted them lovingly, cherished and nurtured them, kept their soil free of weeds, watered them when it didn't rain, carefully heaped up the soil around them as they grew (just like grandad said you should), and what happened? 63 kidney-bean-sized spuds. A disaster. The reason: slugs.
So, this year, we decided not to bother: we gave the vegetable patch a wide berth, we let the nettles, chickweed, mint and thistles take over, and we renamed it our wildlife garden. And what happened? A crop of potato-sized potatoes weighing about five times as much as last year's crop. The reason: with so many nettles, chickweed, mint and thistles to get through, the slugs couldn't find the bloody potatoes that had grown from the tubers we failed to gather last season.
I believe that's what the gardening experts refer to as complementary planting. That's complementary as in free.
Guardian: Pope snubbed as Iranian rights lawyer wins Nobel peace prize (11-Oct-03)
An Iranian human rights lawyer who fell foul of her country's conservative clerics has won the Nobel peace prize, in what some see as a rebuff to the Pope, who was heavily tipped to win the prize… In Rome, the decision was seen as a humiliating rebuff for Pope John Paul II.
Something tells me the holy father won't be getting the Nobel prize for science either:
BBC: Vatican in HIV condom row (09-Oct-03)
The Catholic Church has been accused of telling people in countries with high rates of HIV that condoms do not protect against the deadly virus… In an interview, one of the Vatican's most senior cardinals Alfonso Lopez Trujillo suggested HIV could even pass through condoms… The cardinal, who is president of the Vatican's Pontifical Council for the Family, suggests that governments should urge people not to use condoms.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't we supposed to be at war with religious fanatics who are directly responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent people? What a dangerous man. Peace prize my arse.
BBC: Go ahead for pensioner tax plan
Kent County Council put forward the proposal which suggested other taxpayers pay slightly more so the rise for pensioners could be held at about 2.5%… other counties have been closely watching the outcome of the Kent proposal and could follow suit as a result of the government's decision.
Here we go. I know, while they're at it, why don't they lower the tax on married couples too, and lower it even more if they've got children (they are our future, after all), and lower it on unmarried women, and unmarried men without beards, and thin people, and cat owners, and vegetarians, and lager drinkers, and wastrels, and vagabonds, and people with body-piercings, and people with criminal records, and people who go to church, and people who live in Scotland or Wales or the south of England, and people who use the council's services the most (think of it as a loyalty bonus), and people who want more CCTV and traffic calming measures, and people who think they should pay less tax than other people, and people whose names don't begin with the letter R…
Tell you what, let's keep it nice and simple: why don't I just pay for everything? Hang on, I'll go and get my cheque book.
BBC: Carnivores' need for wild walk (02-Oct-03)
The bigger the distance a carnivore covers in the wild, the more likely it is to suffer stress symptoms…
The bigger the distance? Bigger. Not the greater the distance; not the farther the distance; the bigger the distance. Call me old-fashioned, but isn't the BBC supposed to be the last bastion of English used proper?
Wired News: Chemical Arms Demolition Delayed (02-Oct-03)
Already more than $23 billion over budget and 13 years behind schedule, America's program for destroying its stockpile of chemical weapons will now be delayed until 2012, at least.
Apparently, the Americans are experiencing some difficulty finding said chemical weapons. Nothing new there, then.
Who says satire is dead?
BBC: Be more punctual, Ecuadorians are urged (01-Oct-03)
Fire sirens will sound and church bells ring out at midday around Ecuador to mark the launch of the government's campaign to eradicate sloppy timekeeping.
So we can expect the sirens to go off at about 12:30, can we?
BBC: Germany begins to turns against wind (29-Sep-03)
…The wind sector has even come under attack from an unexpected source. Environmentalists have attacked plans for Germany's first offshore wind park, due to be constructed in the North Sea in 2005. They say the windmills are noisy, ugly and a danger to bird life.
Sounds to me as if someone wants to have their Battenberg and eat it. But good on them: at least they're starting to acknowledge that there might actually be some drawbacks with these formerly impeccable wind power-stations.
…Yes, that's right: power-stations; not wind farms; not wind parks; wind power-stations. Damn clever naming them after lovely green things like farms and parks. And have you ever noticed how these power-stations don't generate energy by slowing down the wind (thereby altering the climate)? No, they harvest the wind. How irreproachable! And don't windmills sound so much nicer than horrible, industrial-sounding wind turbines? But I suppose you'd expect the proponents of wind power to know all about spin.
Postscript: I stand corrected. Apparently, wind powerstations don't slow the wind down; they speed it up! But my basic argument still stands: wind powerstations remove energy from the wind, so they affect the climate.