Beam me up, Luke!

In preparation for Star Trek Beyond screening at Hebden Bridge Picture House tomorrow, Jen and I are re-watching the two previous films in the relaunched franchise. And great fun they are too. In amongst episodes of The West Wing, we also recently re-watched the original Star Wars trilogy.

The problem is, Jen keeps getting Star Trek and Star Wars mixed up in her head. “Is this the one with Benedict Cumberbatch as a baddie?” she asked at the start of The Empire Strikes Back. “Have they just gone to warp speed?” she enquired, as the Millennium Falcon finally shot off at light speed. And so on.

To be honest, I'm not entirely convinced Jen is really getting the two franchises mixed-up. I more than half-suspect she's trying to play Jedi mind-melds on me.


StarWars™ neck-accoutrement pun challenge

Hitchin and his family are currently on holiday in the Yorkshire Dales, so, last weekend, Jen and I went over to visit them.

The Hitchins last Saturday

The Hitchins last Saturday

Hitchin proposed a walk. It was only a few inches on the map. But that (i.e. we) failed to take into account all of the contours involved. Then the sun came out. It was bloody knackering.

Arkleside Moor

Somewhere in the middle of nowhere last Saturday.

TIE fighter

A Twin-Ion Engine fighter a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Anyhoo, Hitchin's two lads are big StarWars™ fans, and, during lunch the following day, they informed me that StarWars™ TIE fighters are so named because they have Twin-Ion Engines. I told them (only half-jokingly) that I had always thought that TIE fighters were so named because of their resemblance to bow ties. I then joked that, had George Lucas wanted to continue the neckwear-related theme, he should have called those walking-tank things cravAT-ATs. (Do you see what I did there?)

So, over to you, Gruts Gang: can you think of any StarWars™ neck-accoutrement-related puns? Fifteen points for the worst answer. (But no points at all for Episode IV: A Noose Hope, because that has Jar-Jar Binks in it.)

More photos from our ridiculous walk »

Bambang, thank you ma'am!

President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono

President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono

It turns out that the President of Indonesia is named Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono.

President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono is an awesome name.

President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono is a Star Wars name.

Why can't we have leaders with Star Wars names? John Major, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, David Cameron: they're a bit bland to say the least.

I suppose Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman wasn't a bad name. Nor was Bonar Law (if you conveniently overlook his frankly embarrassing Andrew). But they don't have quite the same ring to them as President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono.

Neville Chamberlain

Neville Chamberlain

Ironically, perhaps, I reckon the most Star-Warsey Prime Minister's name we have had so far is Neville Chamberlain. I can imagine a light-sabre-wielding Jedi wookie named Neville Chamberlain gallumphing across the sands of Tatooine in pursuit of Tusken Raiders and peace in our time. Either him or Clement Attlee. But, on the whole, our Prime Ministers have had some pretty crap names.

The day one of our political parties elects a leader named Duk-Duk Oomondo Calrissian is the day that party gets my vote.

They're missing a trick, I tell you.