BBC: Rare Woolf manuscripts bought A series of previously unpublished manuscripts hand-written by Virginia Woolf are among a collection that has been bought by The British Library. The manuscripts form part of two mock newspapers composed by Woolf's nephews, Julian and Quentin Bell, as children. Mock newspaper articles: hardly likely to be of the calibre… Continue reading Literary Greats
Nonsense
Old perv
It was my birthday yesterday. It was also the 20th anniversary of my being legally entitled to buy myself a pint. So I celebrated in the most appropriate way: by going down the pub and drinking large amounts of lovely, strong, warm British beer. Not bad for a Wednesday afternoon. The day before, I received… Continue reading Old perv
Conversation with dad
Me: "Did you know that Stense is a Buddhist?" Dad: "What, by choice?"
Snail mail
Nobody I sent post cards to from Barcelona over a fortnight ago has received them yet. Friends, I sent them, honest I did - although I'm beginning to suspect that the yellow postbox I wasn't too sure about might have been a Metro air-conditioning vent after all. Postscript: The post cards finally arrived.
Comedy classic
My dad's favourite gardening fork broke recently, so he asked me if I could try to get him a new handle from the local hardware shop. Yes, that's right, this morning I finally got to walk into a hardware shop and ask for "fork handles". The woman behind the counter smiled knowingly. "Would that be… Continue reading Comedy classic
Finding my audience
I'm losing my touch. I was at a meeting this morning where there were three people named Richard sitting next to each other. "I suppose this is what you call an embarrassment of Richards," I remarked amusingly… Not a sausage; not even a snigger. Then, to make matters worse, I meet Carolyn for coffee, and… Continue reading Finding my audience
Untitled
Eureka Alert: Men overestimate the number of sexual partners they have had in their lives [12-Mar-03] …It remains, however, unclear as to how male overestimation could result in such a wide disparity in the reported number of lifetime sexual partners. In my day, it was called bullshitting. Postscript: What the hell am I talking about?… Continue reading Untitled
The Owl of Doom
Every morning for the last five days, I've been woken by an owl hooting somewhere in the garden. As I've never heard an owl hooting anywhere in the garden before, I'm taking this to be some sort of sign. So, in honour of recent world events, I've decided to give my owl a name: either… Continue reading The Owl of Doom
Wind instrument
There's absolutely no delicate way of putting this: I farted while getting dressed this morning, and the noise that emerged was a perfect rendition of the first note of (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones. Yes, that's right: my arse has perfect pitch; no bum notes from my backside, no siree. Thinking… Continue reading Wind instrument
Another Prediction Comes True: "RAF clothing yarn"
Another 2003 prediction comes true: Daily Record: Our Boys are Boiling, Starving and Begging from the Americans [10-Mar-03] Scots squaddies are suffering in the Gulf heat because they still haven't got lightweight desert kit… One RAF aircraftman told his dad: "We beg everything from the Yanks. It is embarrassing but needs must. I am one… Continue reading Another Prediction Comes True: "RAF clothing yarn"