Jen the other day: "Are you all right? Your eyes look really b… blood-shot. I nearly said bullshit then."
Eat, drink and be merry…
…for tomorrow they'll ban it.
Serves us right for not cutting the smokers a bit of slack. It's gone to their heads:
BBC: Tax alcohol more says top doctor
Tax on alcohol should be increased to reduce the damage being caused to people's health, the Chief Medical Officer for England has said…
Increased taxation citing health reasons is already in use with regard to tobacco.
Because, as we all know, increasing taxation was incredibly effective at getting people to give up smoking.
See also:
Spacious
The sniffing test results are in
Online chat with Carolyn last night:
Carolyn: I just wanted to tell you - I passed my Sniffing test - I'm VERY excited!
Me: That is FANTASTIC! Do you get a badge?
Carolyn: I get to be an official project 'tester' for [the company], and what's more - if I get hairy armpits, I can be an armpit tester as well!
Doing the maths
An environmentalist writes:
New Scientist Environment Blog: Fred's Footprint: Dirty footprints on a local bus
Seeking to lower my personal carbon footprint, I have been holidaying in southern England, not far from my London. I travelled to the South Downs by bus. What could be greener? Quite a lot, it seems…
Even assuming my Stagecoach bus manages the same fuel efficiency in the lanes of Sussex that National Express attains on motorways, it seems pretty clear that our footprint would have been less if we had rented an SUV for our jaunts. And, for our Petworth to Midhurst journey, the truth appears to be that my wife and I must have been responsible for emissions of about 300 grams of CO2 each per kilometre travelled - bigger than if we had been flying to Hong Kong.
(Not that going to Hong Kong has anything to do with it, you understand, when it comes to per kilometer calculations.)
It's nice to see someone tell it like it is. The sad truth is, the vast majority of the buses I see every day are practically empty—which pretty much destroys their supposedly green credentials. And as for their 'fighting congestion', that's a load of old bollocks too: what do you think it is that causes the congestion in the first place by having their own dedicated lanes or stopping every couple of hundred yards to take on or let off minuscule numbers of passengers?
Don't get me wrong: buses are a vital part of our (pretty dire) transport infrastructure, but let's stop harping on about how green they are.
News from Hippy Central
BBC: Town pledges to bin plastic bags
Traders in Hebden Bridge have pledged to make the town plastic bag free following a campaign by a group of women dubbed the "bag ladies".
Two-thirds of the town's 109 traders have backed the initiative, which will mean free plastic bags will no longer be available in shops from 1 September.
Hitchin's sister used to make a point of ordering Coke™ whenever she visited a McDonald's™, just to hear them say (as per script), "We have McDonald's Cola™!" That was in the days before McDonald's™ caved in and started selling Coke™.
In tribute to Hitchin's sister, I am now going to make a point of asking for plastic bags whenever I shop locally in Hebden Bridge. "Can I have a plastic bag, please?" I will ask. And when they tell me it will cost me 10p (or whatever), I will say, "Oh, forget it, then, the deal's off!" And I will storm out of the shop.
Actually, no I won't. I'm prepared to give this one a go. But please don't tell any of my friends: I do, after all, have a reputation to live down to.
(Oh, and remind me to tell you about my Tesco™ Bag for Life scam some time. It's quite devious.)
Innumerate
BBC: UK adults fail child's maths test
One in 14 adults cannot answer a maths question aimed at eight-year-old children, a survey suggests.
One in 14… That's almost 23%!
Harry Potter and the Greedy Conglomerates
BBC: Potter publisher halts Asda order
The publisher of the final Harry Potter book has cancelled an order to supply 500,000 copies to Asda supermarkets across the UK.
This is all about greed. Greed on the part of the publisher for wanting to over-charge for cheaply made, mass-produced books (because they can). Greed on the part of Asda for wanting to lower prices to out-sell the competition (and, in the process, put small bookshops out of business by cherry-picking the top-selling titles).
There really is no excuse for buying books from supermarkets.
British summertime cancelled
That's it: British summertime is officially CANCELLED.
It's been raining for over a month, with absolutely no sign of any let-up.
If you could all turn back your clocks at 01:00 tomorrow morning, that would be great.
Try to look on the bright side: at least you'll get an extra hour in bed.
Oh, and the hose-pipe ban is lifted. Not that you'll be needing to use your hose-pipes at the moment.
I blame El Niño.
See also: Flaming June
Sniffing test
One thing I love about Carolyn is that, although she lives in the same universe as you and me, she sometimes passes into an alternative reality, where strange and wonderful things happen.
Here is her own account of her latest escapade, related to me via instant message last night:
I went for a sniffing test today. You have to sit in a cubicle on a high stool in front of a computer and there is a hatch on the other side of the desk through which they put various samples, one test at a time. At one stage, 8 jars were passed to me but the jar number the computer was asking me to test was not amongst them. So I buzzed for help and opened the hatch and tried to peer through but couldn't see anyone. At that point, the visitors pass I'd been given fell off so I popped off my stool under the desk to retrieve it.
The next thing I knew was the girl in charge rushing in through my door shouting 'are you alright' - she'd looked through the hatch, seen the room was empty and assumed I'd collapsed. It had me giggling for 10 mins - but it didn't help my sniffing accuracy unfortunately!
Why hasn't this woman got her own website?
See also: