Two Fat Ladies
It was a nice day today, so Stense and I had it off. We went to the Cheshire Show, where we saw many magnificent British animals, including Clarissa Dickson-Wright (photo left). We then headed off to a local aquarium, where I attempted (unsuccessfully) to bag Stense in the tunnel (photo right).
Midsummer
Tomorrow is Midsummer's Day. Today, it hailed.
Global warming, my arse!
Pub quiz answers
Quiz Master: "Question 7 was, 'Which wood was used to build canal lock gates and sometimes even drain-pipes?'. The answer is 'Elm'."
Contestant: "I said that!"
Quiz Master: "No you didn't, you said 'teak'."
Contestant: "No I didn't; that was him over there. I said, 'Something British, like elm'."
Quiz Master: "Elm is Dutch!"
Separated at birth?
See also: Separated at birth (14-Dec-03)
Inhaler
BBC: Inhaler 'may help men have sex'
Men who have difficulty getting an erection could soon use an inhaler to help them have better sex.
Maybe so, but who is this mysterious inhaler, and what precisely does the job entail?
The shorthand game
I am currently sharing an office with a woman who can write shorthand. So this morning I invented The Shorthand Game, wherein one scribbles random shorthandesque symbols on a piece of paper and asks a shorthand expert what they say.
The following conversation took place:
[Showing random symbol] "What does this say?"
"Nothing."
[Showing another random symbol] "And this?"
"Nothing."
[Showing another random symbol] "And this?"
"…It looks remarkably like 'And thank you'."
[Showing another random symbol] "And this?"
"Oh my goodness!"
"What does it say?"
"I'm not telling you."
"What does it say?"
"It says 'Tits'."
Withdrawal symptoms
BBC: Ex-royal valet 'sticks by claim'
An ex-royal valet who claimed he saw an incident involving Prince Charles has denied withdrawing the allegation.
So now we know that whatever it was that we were not allowed to know has been un-withdrawn.
Glad that's cleared that one up.
Take that, you smarmy, buck-toothed, manure generators!
Well, last year I said it was a fix, but I was clearly wrong:
BBC: History made as man beats horse
A man has won the annual Man versus Horse race for the first time in its 25-year history. Crowds of spectators at Llanwrtyd Wells in mid Wales saw Huw Lobb pick up the £25,000 prize - until Saturday, one of the biggest unclaimed prizes in British athletics.
Which just goes to show that Huw can lead a horse to Llanwrtyd Wells.
Look what I nearly ran over this afternoon
Phasianus colchicus, unless I'm very much mistaken.