Quiz Master: "Question 7 was, 'Which wood was used to build canal lock gates and sometimes even drain-pipes?'. The answer is 'Elm'."
Contestant: "I said that!"
Quiz Master: "No you didn't, you said 'teak'."
Contestant: "No I didn't; that was him over there. I said, 'Something British, like elm'."
Quiz Master: "Elm is Dutch!"
Separated at birth?
See also: Separated at birth (14-Dec-03)
Inhaler
BBC: Inhaler 'may help men have sex'
Men who have difficulty getting an erection could soon use an inhaler to help them have better sex.
Maybe so, but who is this mysterious inhaler, and what precisely does the job entail?
The shorthand game
I am currently sharing an office with a woman who can write shorthand. So this morning I invented The Shorthand Game, wherein one scribbles random shorthandesque symbols on a piece of paper and asks a shorthand expert what they say.
The following conversation took place:
[Showing random symbol] "What does this say?"
"Nothing."
[Showing another random symbol] "And this?"
"Nothing."
[Showing another random symbol] "And this?"
"…It looks remarkably like 'And thank you'."
[Showing another random symbol] "And this?"
"Oh my goodness!"
"What does it say?"
"I'm not telling you."
"What does it say?"
"It says 'Tits'."
Withdrawal symptoms
BBC: Ex-royal valet 'sticks by claim'
An ex-royal valet who claimed he saw an incident involving Prince Charles has denied withdrawing the allegation.
So now we know that whatever it was that we were not allowed to know has been un-withdrawn.
Glad that's cleared that one up.
Take that, you smarmy, buck-toothed, manure generators!
Well, last year I said it was a fix, but I was clearly wrong:
BBC: History made as man beats horse
A man has won the annual Man versus Horse race for the first time in its 25-year history. Crowds of spectators at Llanwrtyd Wells in mid Wales saw Huw Lobb pick up the £25,000 prize - until Saturday, one of the biggest unclaimed prizes in British athletics.
Which just goes to show that Huw can lead a horse to Llanwrtyd Wells.
Look what I nearly ran over this afternoon
Phasianus colchicus, unless I'm very much mistaken.
Six trick
Email from Carolyn:
How about this one then: if you turn your right foot in circles clockwise then draw a number 6 in the air, your foot will be turning anti-clockwise.
Dammit, she's right!
Transit
Contrary to all expectations, I managed to view today's Transit of Venus. My improvised pin-hole telescope could see the sun, but didn't have enough resolution to distinguish Venus, so I resorted to a binocular image projected on to white card.
For those of you who didn't manage to see it, here is a scientifically accurate artist's impression of the momentous event. I bet you're kicking yourselves.
You're not from round these parts, are you?
Reuters: Yuppies find peace in hippie hub
If you're going to Hebden Bridge, you no longer need to wear flowers in your hair. Times have changed—but although the beads and incense have gone, the spirit that has made this town a hub of alternative Britain remains.
The beads and insense have gone?! Have you been anywhere near Hebden Bridge lately? Beads and insense is all they bloody well sell (apart from psychic crystals, wind chimes and pot pourri, that is).
Welcome to Hippie Central.