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BBC: Maguire says Spider-Man 2 'better'
Spider-Man actor Tobey Maguire has said the forthcoming sequel is "better" than the original.
For those of us who saw the original, this will come as no surprise whatsoever. Just for the record, it was pants—spider pants.
And while I'm in the mood for slagging off Marvel™-type-comic-related films, am I the only person who thinks the new Incredible Hulk looks like something that came free with a Big Mac™? Watch this space…
BBC: Nuns seek Mother Teresa copyright [09-Jul-03]
The order of nuns founded by Mother Teresa has applied for copyright to her name in an attempt to stop its exploitation by commercial interests.
As in so many other matters, where Elvis leads, Mother Teresa follows. I'm sure this has absolutely nothing to do with trying to corner the lucrative "Saint Teresa" market, no siree, Bob.
Apparently, after the precident has been set, the pope plans to copyright the name "John Paul", then demand a retrospective share of the Beatles' profits.
BBC: US man wakes from 19-year coma [09-Jul-03]
A man from the US state of Arkansas has regained consciousness after spending 19 years in a coma.
The world must seem so different to the one he left in 1984. Why, back then, everyone was talking about George Orwell, Eddie Murphy was a top US box office attraction, the majority of Americans didn't believe in evolution, and there was a bumbling Republican war-monger in the Oval Office.
BBC: Inspired Federer wins Wimbledon
Roger Federer produced a tennis masterclass to claim his first Grand Slam title with a demolition of Mark Philippoussis.
This is fantastic news. Roger Federer has won the Wimbledon tennis championship. Do you realise what this means? No more Wimbledon for another 50 whole weeks! Magic mustard. Now, would it be asking too much for normal service to be resumed on our television screens, do you think?
Me in the post office:
"Do you sell stamps?"
BBC: Lightning hits preacher after call to God
A congregation in the United States was left stunned when lightning struck a church moments after a visiting preacher asked God for a sign… The lightning struck the steeple, then hit the preacher himself when it travelled through electrical wiring to his microphone… Afterwards services resumed, however churchgoers realised after 20 minutes that the building was on fire and evacuated.
I wonder what it was they evacuated.
Let's not get too excited about this apparently divine intervention: there was a thunderstorm already in progress when this preacher issued his challenge to the almighty, the church had a steeple (making it a pretty likely target for a lightning strike), and, as one congregation member remarked, "he just kept asking God what else he needed to say" [my emphasis]—so he evidently kept going until he got a result.
OK, Lord, I'm giving you until a count of three to show us a sign: One… Two… erm… Two-and-a-half… Two-and-threeeeeeee-quaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrterrrrrr… ZAP! Halleluja! It's a miracle!
All this from the country with the world's largest nuclear arsenal. Truly frightening.
Meet Murphy, my new car. Murphy is an Audi A2 TDi SE, with: a 1400cc 3-cylinder inline, diesel engine incorporating an exhaust-gas turbocharger; pump injector direct injection with turbocharger engine management system; oxidisation catalytic converter; exhaust-gas recirculation; front wheel drive with electronic stability programme (ESP); hydraulically-operated single dry plate clutch with asbestos-free linings; 5-speed manual, synchromesh on all ratio; McPherson struts with lower wishbones; track stabilising steering geometry; double-tube gas-filled shock absorbers; torsion-beam rear axle with track correcting bearings; anti-roll bar; diagonally split dual circuit, anti-lock brake system (ABS) with electronic brake-force; 6j x 16 'six spoke' design alloy wheels; power-assisted, maintenance-free rack-and-pinion steering with track-stabilising steering-roll radius.
I have no idea what any of that horse-shit means.
Audi… Murphy… Geddit?
Talking of homeopathic bullshit (which, if you remember, I recently was):
iAfrica.com: Russian men seek sex salvation
…Impaza is one of a new generation of medicines using homeopathic doses of antibodies to control the behaviour of certain molecules in the body. It takes effect earlier in the erection process than Viagra, stimulating the production of a gas—nitrogen oxide—in the cells of the penis.
But the really frightening thing about this article is the opening paragraph: "Why is the lion the king of the animals? Because of his tufty tool. And what makes a man really a man? You know perfectly well."
Just for the record, I do not now have, and never wish to possess, a tufty tool.
Text message from Carolyn:
Do u remember that beetroot, pickle and ice-cream diet that u made me go on - the one that gave u heart failure?
The really weird and frightening thing about this text message is that I honestly don't have the foggiest idea what the hell Carolyn is going on about. Nothing new there then.
BBC: Pope presses EU on constitution
Pope John Paul II has urged the European Union to include a recognition of Europe's Christian heritage in its first constitution, which is due to be signed next year.
Let's see, Europe's Christian heritage: the cruisades, the Spanish Inquisition, papal infallibility, book burnings, witch trials, millennium cults, the belief in miracles, the rhythm method, papal bulls, priests and nuns, Northern Ireland, Bosnia, the Thirty Years War, Inca gold, the Society of Jesus, the Vatican Secret Service, missionaries, kill them all—God will know his own, genuflection, transubstantiation, Puritanism, the poor are always with us, church fêtes…
Don't quite see it myself.