…and statistics

BBC: Burgled pensioners 'die early'
Pensioners who are burgled are far more likely to die earlier than others of a similar age, a Home Office study suggests. The Home Office research, seen by BBC News, shows [my emphasis] burglary has a greater impact on the elderly than previously believed.

Shame on you, BBC: you should know that a correlation doesn't prove a causation. Yes, it's possible that being burgled might lead to an earlier death, but isn't a more plausible explanation that people who live in deprived areas are (a) more likely to die earlier, and (b) more likely to be burgled? The Home Office is creating an agenda, and the BBC isn't being nearly sceptical enough.

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On this rock I will build my church

BBC: Space impact 'saved Christianity' [23-Jun-03]
Did a meteor over central Italy in AD 312 change the course of Roman and Christian history? A team of geologists believes it has found the incoming space rock's impact crater, and dating suggests its formation coincided with the celestial vision said to have converted a future Roman emperor to Christianity.

So, first they wiped out the dinosaurs, then they saved christianity… These meteors are a bloody menace. Someone should start a petition.

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Getting beyond a joke

Homeopathy for Children signPlease, for once in your sad, inadequate, gullible lives, listen, you stupid, naïve dupes—homeopathy doesn't work; homeopathy can't work because it's pseudo-scientific bullshit. These charlatans are fobbing you off with snake oil and taking your money. It won't make your kids any better. You are being irresponsible with their welfare, and if the government really cared as much as it claims to about children, the social services would break into your homes, take away your children, and give them to somebody at least vaguely in touch with reality.

I'm sorry if your children are ill, I really am, but stop pissing about and take them to a doctor.

Give us this gay…

BBC: Gay bishop 'catastrophic move'
Evangelical and conservative Anglicans have described the appointment of a gay bishop as "catastrophic" for the Church of England.

Who'd have thought it? Evangelical and conservative Anglicans bashing the bishop together.

Apparently, the bishop was once a bit of a loose canon.

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Bra-dinage

Text message from Carolyn:

Just noticed one of my bras hanging in an apple tree - slightly worrying!

To which there could be only one reply:

Are you sure it isn't a hammock?

…OK, I admit it, my puerile sense of humour soon got the better of me, and I quickly fired off a second reply:

It will make a perfect home for a pair of great tits.

Who says satire is dead?

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Letting rip

BBC: Blair defends 'essential' shake-up
Tony Blair has defended himself against Tory charges that he "ripped up the constitution in a matter of hours" in last week's controversial cabinet reshuffle.

That would be the UK's famously unwritten constitution that he's ripped up.

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Das Boot

True story: Carolyn and her three children got trapped inside a WWII German U-boat last weekend (U-534, to be precise). To those of you who know Carolyn, this will come as no great surprise. Getting trapped inside a U-boat is a very Carolynish thing to do.

Freewheeling part 2

Exactly two months ago, I discovered that I could freewheel my car from my house all the way into town—a distance of just under a mile.

Mile, schmile… This evening, on my way home from work, I discovered that I could freewheel my car all the way down the B6138 through Cragg Vale—that's a magnificent 5.4 miles!

I tried the same stunt yesterday, but failed when I caught up with a learner driver who was all over the bloody road. I nearly didn't make it today either: half-way down, some hat-wearing slowcoach in a beige Nissan Sunny pulled out in front of me and trundled agonisingly sensibly down the hill, hitting the brakes at the merest hint of a bend (of which there are many). I seriously considered trying to overtake him, but instead eased back on one of the steeper sections and let him pull away from me—which must have been something of a unique experience for him.

Menaces like that shouldn't be allowed on our roads.

Postscript: The record is now 5.7 miles—I found a bit more road at either end. Next time I'm slaloming.

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Untitled

BBC: Berry sues over $2m mansion
Actress Halle Berry is suing the couple who sold her a $2m (£1.25m) mansion saying she was not told the site needed huge repairs.

Two million dollars for a house, and she couldn't afford a surveyor's report. It's such a shame: they look like a really nice couple—as, indeed, do the people Ms Berry is suing.

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