Shock news

BBC: Local voting figures shed new light on EU referendum

[…] local results were strongly associated with the educational attainment of voters - populations with lower qualifications were significantly more likely to vote Leave. […] The level of education had a higher correlation with the voting pattern than any other major demographic measure from the census.

Call me a Liberal Elitist, but it seems to me that maybe we should be treating education as a higher priority. Then maybe, just maybe, in the long-run, the British public might stop making such monumentally stupid decisions.

The colour of bullshit

Some progress at last! We'll need to flesh out one or two details later, obviously, but the good news is our Prime Minister has a firm handle on precisely what colour Brexit needs to be. And it's not just one colour, it's three: red, white and blue!

That certainly seems to clarify matters.

They've been putting an awful lot of thought into this, you can tell. I feel almost stupid for voting for the other side.

Judge not, lest ye be smirched

Dear, oh dear! The poor old Daily Heil is receiving some right stick from the unelected liberal elite for having the temerity to suggest that judges should base their decisions on what 52% of the British public has been duped into thinking it wants, rather than on any spurious legal arguments.

When you think about it, though, getting judges to make their rulings in line with what the Daily Heil tells its readers to think is a brilliant suggestion. The UK is desperately short of judges. Indeed, as the Heil was quick to point out, we're so short of judges, we're having to resort to employing openly gay men to make up their numbers. It's political correctness gone mad! I can only assume this shortage of judges must be down to the UK's notoriously rigorous judging exams.

Which is why the Heil's suggestion is so brilliant, you see. If we base our legal decisions on what it says in the leader pages of the tabloids, we don't need to put judges through rigorous judging exams any more; we just issue them with a copy of today's Daily Heil and a rubber stamp. Easy-peasy!

What could possibly go wrong?

Daily Heil

The leader page of the Daily Heil on Friday.

Knowing her clints from her grikes

Theresa May

Theresa May, B.A. (Oxon).

Apparently, our new Prime Minister holds a second-class degree in geography. That's exactly the sort of thing I'm looking for in a leader.

At difficult times like these, we need a Prime Minister who isn't going to be flummoxed by the concept of an ox-bow lake. When it comes to seeing us through the Brexit shambles, we're going to need a premier who, when she lands at Brussels, knows she needs to turn hard-right to face France. And when Angela Merkel, in her own inimitable way, demands to know, “wo in Gottes namen ist das Sudetenland?”, we're going to need a leader who can step up to the plate and explain that it's now very definitely part of the Czech Republic, so hands off.

Jen points out that Theresa May's degree makes her ideally qualified to be a P.E. teacher, so maybe she might be better placed as Minister for Sport. But I'm having none of that: we need a leader who can tell a drumlin from an alluvial fan; who knows that the Ordnance Survey symbol for a church with a tower is a little black square with a cross on the top; and who can remember that the blocks and fissures of a limestone pavement are known as clints and grikes respectively (and definitely not the other way round).

I confess I had my misgivings, but I'm beginning to think Theresa May might be just the person we need to see us through this.