Gruts in a nutshell

I've just been analysing the 11,270 different Google search-strings that pointed visitors towards Gruts in the last 30 days. They make fascinating reading. Top of the list, obviously, comes ‘Alice Roberts’, whom, before her recent promotion to professor, I wisely tipped to lead Italy. Those idiot Italians must be kicking themselves for not snapping her up when they had the chance!

Far more illuminating reading, however, are some of the more unusual search requests which brought punters flocking this way. Here is a small selection:

  • gay dog
  • george clooney look alike
  • bored shitless
  • difference between kidney and liver
  • spoops
  • heart sausage
  • dick biscuit
  • mnmn
  • run over cat
  • monk fight
  • albatross hat
  • dead as a doorknob
  • fire breathing rubber duckies
  • pee too much
  • porpoise cake
  • scary duck
  • rate my stump
  • holding on to something that isn't there
  • owl communications
  • what is ectoplasm
  • you say france and i whistle angry men
  • fat man waving
  • perfect pubes
  • is fent a word
  • ginger tits
  • freddie mercury vacuum
  • she poo dogs
  • bare botty
  • anonymous helmet
  • nudist beauty pagents
  • evolution of genitals
  • coat hangers
  • my nurse uniform

Yes, I think that sums up Gruts pretty well.

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.


  1. The great thing is that now you have all these mad searches listed, you become top landing page for all sorts of madness. Anyone searching for: "holding on to owl ectoplasm" now gets here as their first search result. Your traffic is going to double!

  2. I guess 'Owl communications' relates more to me than 'my nurse uniform'...ooh! what a giveaway.

    Not sure how much ectoplasm I could poot forth from the old beak.

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