Begrutten

Futility Closet:
begrutten
adj. having a face swollen from weeping

So, now you know.

Osborne, begrutten
(Happy New Year, by the way.)

Just below the wire

BBC: 'Small blogs to be exempt' under press regulation plans.
Blogs with a turnover of less than £2m and those with fewer than 10 employees will not be subject to new press regulation, the government says.

Loyal readers will be relieved to hear that Gruts is just about safe. So the irresponsible frivolity will continue unchecked. It's all part of the grand masterplan, you see. I have it on good authority that Murdoch is cacking himself.

Gruts in a nutshell

I've just been analysing the 11,270 different Google search-strings that pointed visitors towards Gruts in the last 30 days. They make fascinating reading. Top of the list, obviously, comes ‘Alice Roberts’, whom, before her recent promotion to professor, I wisely tipped to lead Italy. Those idiot Italians must be kicking themselves for not snapping her up when they had the chance!

Far more illuminating reading, however, are some of the more unusual search requests which brought punters flocking this way. Here is a small selection:

  • gay dog
  • george clooney look alike
  • bored shitless
  • difference between kidney and liver
  • spoops
  • heart sausage
  • dick biscuit
  • mnmn
  • run over cat
  • monk fight
  • albatross hat
  • dead as a doorknob
  • fire breathing rubber duckies
  • pee too much
  • porpoise cake
  • scary duck
  • rate my stump
  • holding on to something that isn't there
  • owl communications
  • what is ectoplasm
  • you say france and i whistle angry men
  • fat man waving
  • perfect pubes
  • is fent a word
  • ginger tits
  • freddie mercury vacuum
  • she poo dogs
  • bare botty
  • anonymous helmet
  • nudist beauty pagents
  • evolution of genitals
  • coat hangers
  • my nurse uniform

Yes, I think that sums up Gruts pretty well.

Mind over natter

Observer: John Brockman: the man who runs the world's smartest website

Second smartest, I think you'll find.

2,000 not out

This is the 2,000th post on Gruts. To celebrate, here is a video of my dad's talented cocker spaniel, Molly, doing her Howlin' Wolf impersonation.

(If you listen very carefully, Molly says ‘Thank you’ at the end.)

Grut, F.

Just over five years ago, I finally filled my first ever Moleskine™ notebook. As I admitted at the time, ever since I was a little kid and read Bobby Brewster, Detective, I’ve been a compulsive notebook collector. Seriously, I can't resist: I've got dozens of them.

Before the year is out—or on 31st December precisely, if I write smaller and time it correctly—I shall finish my sixth Moleskine™. Which means it takes me about a year to fill one.

None of which is at all relevant.

The reason I am suddenly banging on about notebooks is that the Alfred Russel Wallace Correspondence Project has just published scans of two of Wallace's address books as PDF documents, and they are things of great beauty: Book 1, Book 2. (Alfred Russel Wallace, in case you are trying to remember, is the chap who came up with the idea of evolution by means of Natural Selection independently of Darwin.)

Fairly interesting stuff, if you happen to run a website about Charles Darwin, I suppose, but what on Earth has this got to do with Gruts? Well, check out page 3 of the first PDF document:

Address book entry

Wallace address book entry.

Rather pleasingly, F.Grut and C.Darwin appear on opposite pages in Mr Wallace's address book. Yet another tenuous link between Charles Darwin and a Grut!

IPR theft

BBC: World's 'lightest material' unveiled by US engineers

A team of engineers claims to have created the world's lightest material.

I should sue. These guys have clearly been stealing my material.