Compare and contrast

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Chuzzle wit

A literary joke for you:

Q: Who was the most notorious Dickensian groper?
A: David Cop-a-feel.

[You won't find high-brow entertainment like that in the Murdoch rags.]

(Gobsm)hacked

BBC: Hacking trial: Coulson guilty, Brooks cleared of charges
Former News of the World editor Andy Coulson has been found guilty of conspiracy to hack phones.

Ex-News International chief executive Rebekah Brooks was cleared of all charges in the phone-hacking trial.

This is the foot of our stairs:

The foot of our stairs

… I just went there to eat my hat.

To tide us over while Andy Coulson awaits sentencing, surely nothing can beat a little Lone Justice:

Soccer World Cup

Did you receive your free (soccer) World Cup copy of The Sun through the post this morning?

Me too. Murdoch really is clutching at straws, isn't he?

Here's what I did with my copy:

Murdoch shite

You won't be at all surprised to hear that soccer World Cup coverage will be pretty light on Gruts—what with soccer being a totally rubbish game, and everything. The only match of interest, as far as I can see, will be Bosnia and Herzegovina v. Iran on 25th June—and that only for the prospect of seeing two countries playing against one. I wonder if they'll all wear different colours, and have three sets of goal-posts.

Come on, you Bosnia and Herzegovina! Haway the lads!

Sublety and subterfuge

Have you seen there's a new book out claiming that Bruce Springsteen brought down the Berlin Wall (Amazon uk|.com)?

I like Bruce, but that's taking things a bit far. It took more than Cadillac Ranch to bring an end to communism. Yes, it will have helped, but winning the Cold War required more subtlety and subterfuge than that. Some of us were working unnoticed, behind the scenes, prodding here, pulling the right string there.

I can't go into details, obviously, but I can reveal that I did once sign a petition. Gorbachev was big on petitions. The biro is mightier than the Fender, remember that.

And, while we're at it, who do you think it was who leaked that Murdoch tape this week? I couldn't possibly comment, but work it out. It's not exactly Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (Amazon uk|.com).

Just below the wire

BBC: 'Small blogs to be exempt' under press regulation plans.
Blogs with a turnover of less than £2m and those with fewer than 10 employees will not be subject to new press regulation, the government says.

Loyal readers will be relieved to hear that Gruts is just about safe. So the irresponsible frivolity will continue unchecked. It's all part of the grand masterplan, you see. I have it on good authority that Murdoch is cacking himself.

Tell us something we don't know

This morning, the Times newspaper reportedly declared Hebden Bridge to be the 'coolest place' in which to live in Britain.

Murdoch must be getting desperate: he's nicking my editorials now.