A list of some of the Google search requests that brought new readers to the Gruts website over the last month. I have excluded some of the more colourful queries. There are an awful lot of unsavoury people out there:
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Rebekah Brooks today:
One day, the details of this case will emerge and people will see today as nothing more than an expensive sideshow…
Hmm… Sideshow eh? Well, she should know.
Remember, you heard it here first.
Gruts now has its very own, fancy QR code thingamabob. You can see it at the bottom of the sidebar on the Gruts homepage. It looks just like this.
So now, should you ever forget the web-address for Gruts, go to the homepage, find the QR code in the sidebar, and scan it into your smartphone to be taken automagically to the Gruts homepage.
Isn't modern technology wonderful?
You asked for more knockers on Gruts, and I am happy to oblige:
A very large knocker last week.
You won't see knockers like that in Murdoch's tabloids.
I've just been analysing the 11,270 different Google search-strings that pointed visitors towards Gruts in the last 30 days. They make fascinating reading. Top of the list, obviously, comes ‘Alice Roberts’, whom, before her recent promotion to professor, I wisely tipped to lead Italy. Those idiot Italians must be kicking themselves for not snapping her up when they had the chance!
Far more illuminating reading, however, are some of the more unusual search requests which brought punters flocking this way. Here is a small selection:
- gay dog
- george clooney look alike
- bored shitless
- difference between kidney and liver
- heart sausage
- dick biscuit
- run over cat
- monk fight
- albatross hat
- dead as a doorknob
- fire breathing rubber duckies
- pee too much
- porpoise cake
- scary duck
- rate my stump
- holding on to something that isn't there
- owl communications
- what is ectoplasm
- you say france and i whistle angry men
- fat man waving
- perfect pubes
- is fent a word
- ginger tits
- freddie mercury vacuum
- she poo dogs
- bare botty
- anonymous helmet
- nudist beauty pagents
- evolution of genitals
- coat hangers
- my nurse uniform
Yes, I think that sums up Gruts pretty well.
The unobservant amongst you will not have noticed that I have just added an option entitled Random to the menu at the top of each page. Clicking this will take you to a random post from the extensive Gruts archive.
Back in October, Nite Owl commented on one of my posts that he likes to think of me as the Terry Wogan on the Internet. By this, I assumed he meant that I rely on my audience to provide the best content. Clever stuff if you can carry it off, but Terry is a real pro at that game, and I'm a rank amateur by comparison. But Nite Owl might have a point…
Reader-cum-lurker Jon Wright writes:
On my way home to Wallasey for Xmas when I chanced upon a confutation you may find amusing… or more likely depressing.
Excellent stuff! Inconsistency in chesty models: now that's exactly the sort of thing Gruts is supposed to be all about! Thanks, Jon.
But hold on! There's more…
Coming soon: Stense's nurses' uniform photos. No bullshit: after literally years of pathetic entreaties and occasional attempts at blackmail by yours truly, she has finally sent me some! Watch this space!