Shearerballs

Geordie soccer pundit Alan Shearer commenting after the Liverpool-Wigan match on Match of the Day last night:

I have to say, it was a very, very good game of football, with some top players on show from both sides—and I include Wigan in that.

Cattle drive redux

It's that time of year again: time to help our farmer friend bring her cows down off the moors. Which is what we spent this afternoon doing, in the driving wind and pissing rain.

If you've been paying attention, you won't be at all surprised just how difficult it is to find cows on a moor. Today, we only managed to find about half of them. They were several miles away, well on their way to Haworth.

Just in case you're thinking I'm exaggerating just how wet and windy it was, I did you a crappy video:

If you've ever wondered what free-range beef looks like before they put it into plastic packets, now you know. (Obviously, I'm referring to the cattle, not the dogs.)

It took us about two hours to defrost.

See also: Cattle drive

An oldie, but a goodie

BBC: 'Leggy blonde' pregnant with calf

An elephant dubbed "the leggy blonde" has made a little piece of history.

Noorjahan, whose nickname come [sic] from her distinctive hair, has become the first Asian elephant in the UK to become pregnant by artificial insemination.

Straight up, no bull!

Easily confused

  • pinto: a type of speckled horse
  • pinto bean: a type of speckled bean
  • Pinta: one of the Galápagos islands
  • Pinter: a Nobel-Prize-winning playwright
  • pintu: a slang word for penis
  • pintail: a type of duck

Overheard in the bar the other night

Have you ever been to Sea World? It's amazing. They have this killer whale named Shamu, and he does all these amazing tricks. He jumps out of the water, and he splashes everyone, and they're all delighted because they've been drenched by Shamu. It's fantastic!

I've seen whales in the Bay of Biscay too. They're totally crap. They don't do anything, they're miles away, and you can't see a bloody thing.

Summat like that

From a conversation between two Yorkshire farmers today:

"What were his name? Ralph or Matthew or summat like that."

"Bernard."

"That's it!"