Up and down and round and round we go again

From a conversation with Carolyn this lunchtime:

Carolyn: Did I tell you I've entered a trampolining competition?
Me: [Hysterical laughter] Why?
Carolyn: It was an accident.

And, before you ask, unfortunately, no, you won't be seeing any photographs of Carolyn trampolining: I already asked, and was rather robustly refused.

Earlier in our lunchbreak, I decided to embarrass Carolyn (as I had threatened to do on dozens of occasions) by re-enacting the events of 20th November, 2001, when a babe jumped into the same compartment as me as I passed through a revolving door. During this re-enactment, however, Carolyn (unwittingly) performed the rôle of Yours Truly, and Yours Truly played the babe.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE ACTUALLY GONE AND DONE IT!" gasped Carolyn, as we shuffled awkwardly through the revolving door outside her office.

Neither could I: I went bright red, apparently.

See also: Things to do when you're 40

The green alternative?

New Scientist: The hidden cost of wind turbines [subscribers only]

… [Richard] Lindsay [, University of East London] is an advocate for renewable energy but has become concerned by the scale and number of wind-farm developments on peat bogs in Europe. "This is the Cinderella ecosystem," he says. "Peatland is busy performing a series of important functions for us and we just don't see it." Bogs often play a critical role in providing clean drinking water. More significantly in the context of renewable energy, they store three times as much carbon as is held in tropical rainforests. "We build wind farms in order to reduce carbon emissions," Lindsay says. "Yet peatlands represent the one land-based habitat in the world that is a major long-term carbon store. By building on peat, we release this carbon store as carbon emissions into the atmosphere."…

To calculate carbon savings, [Mike] Hall [,Cumbria Wildlife Trust] uses the [wind powerstation] developers' own predictions, which generally give figures for overall electricity generation of about 30 per cent of the maximum rated capacity of a turbine. The average achieved output for existing wind farms is actually lower than this—25.6 per cent according to industry figures. Using the conservative "minimal scenario", Hall calculates that a 2-megawatt turbine built on peat moorland 1 metre deep will take 8.2 years to pay back its CO2 cost. The figure for the "high scenario" is a whopping 16 years. Even the minimal figure is a substantial portion of a turbine's normal lifespan of 25 years, and considerably higher than the industry's own figures, which range between three and 18 months…

Research into the ecological impact of offshore renewable energy developments is even sparser than for onshore projects. Writing in the Journal of Applied Ecology last year (vol 42, p 605), Andrew Gill from the Institute of Water and Environment at Cranfield University in Silsoe, Bedfordshire, UK, noted that only 1 per cent of all papers on renewable energy published in the past 15 years considers environmental impacts onshore, and none offshore.

'Entenete Cordiale', mon cul pechesque!

From a couple of weeks back:

BBC: Scots should back England—Blair

Prime Minister Tony Blair has told the BBC he thinks Scots should support England in the World Cup…

Mr Blair said neighbours should support each other.

So, by the same token, all us English should be supporting France in the final against Italy tomorrow.

Yeah, right!

See also: The Beautiful Game, my peach-like arse!

Stupid twat

BBC: Crowe's wife gives birth to a son

Actor Russell Crowe has become a father again after his wife Danielle Spencer gave birth to a second son.

The baby, weighing about eight pounds, was named Tennyson Spencer Crowe after 19th Century poet Alfred Lord Tennyson.

Paradox

More text message frivolity with Stense:

Richard (08:03 BST): HOLY SHIT!! IT WORKED!

Stense (08:53 BST): What did?

Richard (08:58 BST): Don't know what you're talking about, mate. But MAJOR NEWS: I've finished building my time machine. Going on test run back to 8am today. Will keep you posted.

(I don't think Stense got it.)

Richard (12:42 BST): Time travel sucks. Am trapped inside Einsteinian time-paradox loop. Just queued behind five other mes in M&S butty dept! I was literally beside myself!

Still no reply. Evidently, Stense is no sci-fi aficionado.

See also:

Dick Repit

Oh, Lordy! I've just realised that this Monday just gone marked the 20th anniversary of this.

I feel so bloody old.

Ee-le-e-ec-tri-cer-teeeeee!

Taken from an upstairs bedroom window earlier this evening:

Click to see bigger version

It was a pretty amazing storm.

Postscript (03-Jul-2006): Just in case you thought I was exaggerating:

Halifax Courier: Drama in the Flash Floods

Hundreds of homes in Todmorden, Walsden and Hebden Bridge were under water after torrential rain, hail and lightning lashed the district. Lightning strikes on electricity sub-stations blacked out large areas, roads were washed out and boulders dumped on town centre streets… The River Calder rose more than five feet in just 20 minutes—and later swelled to more than seven feet… Drivers had to be rescued from floating cars on the Halifax Road between Hebden Bridge and Todmorden and businesses were destroyed in Market Street, Hebden Bridge.

Country Boy

WrenI had another bird trauma on Thursday evening. Jen and I were eating our dinner, when a wren flew straight through the open patio door and into the kitchen. While I made a strategic withdrawal (allegedly to close the dining room door to prevent the bird from escaping into the rest of the house), Jen went to help the wren. Sadly, it was already dead, having broken its neck colliding with the kitchen window.

Don't believe any nonsense you might hear on The Archers about country folk knowing their nuthatches from their treecreepers, and their pigeons from their wigeons: when it comes to bird identification, they haven't a clue. It's only shruburbanites like me who seem to take an interest in that sort of thing—which is why, whenever I identify a bird to her, our farmer friend refers to me ironically as Country Boy.

Jen told the farmer about the dead wren yesterday, and came out with a good one:

"So how did you know it was a wren, then?"
"I didn't. Richard told me."
"Aren't they the ones with the turned up tails?"
"Everything was bloody turned up by the time I got to it."