Double-standards

BBC: Grey squirrels face massive cull

A massive cull of grey squirrels is to take place across Britain to try to halt declining numbers of the endangered native red population.

Biodiversity minister Jim Knight said "humane and targeted pest control" would cull greys in areas where red squirrels are being 'squeezed out'.

Most reds are confined to Cumbrian and Northumbrian conifer woods, the Isle of Wight and islands in Poole Harbour.

(…and Scotland, BBC. Let's not forget Scotland. You know, that place where BBC Scotland is based—where the whisky comes from.)

This squirrel decision is long overdue. The so-called animal rights people will probably go ballistic, but it needs doing. I hope the goverment has the guts to follow it through.

What I do object to, however, are the double-standards: over 120 million of our native wild animals are butchered each year by viscious predators that we maintain in unnaturally high and environmentally unsustainable populations by feeding them Whiskas™.

When is this brave Knight going to announce a nationwide cat cull?

See also:

…You can't say I'm not consistent.

Needling

BBC: Acupuncture 'deactivates brain'

Acupuncture works by deactivating the area of the brain governing pain, a TV show will claim.

Tuesday's programme - the first of three on complementary medicine - will show researchers carrying out brain scans on people having acupuncture.

I think you'll find that acupuncture only 'works' for people who deactivate their brains beforehand.

Note how the opening sentence of this story might mislead you into thinking that there really is something in acupuncture over and above the placebo effect. The truth is buried away right at the end of the story:

Professor Tony Wildsmith, a pain relief expert at the University of Dundee, said he thought the findings were possible. But he added: "The thing about acupuncture is that it does not work on everyone. It is more likely to be effective if you believe it.

The placebo effect is a genuine and interesting phenomenon, but let's drop the nonsense with the needles, why don't we? Rixology is far less invasive.

See also:

Turn of phrase

This one went on to the list straight away…

Said to me at work today:

This one's going to hit us like the proverbial brick shit-house.

This made stuff come out of my nose. It was the word proverbial that did it.

Published
Filed under: Nonsense

The Union of Workers of the Superior Normal School

I don't know any Spanish, but, thanks to the Babelfish translator, I now know that the organisation going by the rather wonderful name of the Sindicato de Trabajadores de la Escuela Normal Superior translates (approximately) into English as The Union of Workers of the Superior Normal School. Which is kind of interesting.

Why the sudden interest in a Mexican trade union? Well, their web address happens to be stense.com

Postscript: Some years later, I am happy to report, the union relinquished its web domain, so I snapped it up at a bargain price.

Flying the flag

BBC: Brown speech promotes Britishness

…"Instead of the BNP using it as a symbol of racial division, the flag should be a symbol of unity and part of a modern expression of patriotism too," [UK Chancellor] Mr Brown said.

"All the United Kingdom should honour it, not ignore it. We should assert that the Union flag by definition is a flag for tolerance and inclusion."

That's as maybe, but there is one big problem with honouring the Union flag: it's totally shite. Honestly, how could anyone celebrate anything as garish and, well, contrived as that? It's totally without merit. Why can't we have a cool flag, like… oh, hang on a second, they're all pretty rubbish, come to think of it.

Couldn't we have a designer logo instead? Very New Labour.

Would you Adam and Eve it?

BBC: 'Four mothers' for Europe's Jews

Almost half of Europe's Jews are descended from just four women, according to a new study.

That's nothing: the entire human race is descended from just one female. The evolutionists and the creationists can agree on that one—although they don't quite see eye-to-eye on some of the finer details.

Meddling with nature

Ooooh! Just what we've been waiting for:

BBC: Taiwan breeds green-glowing pigs

Scientists in Taiwan say they have bred three pigs that "glow in the dark".

They claim that while other researchers have bred partly fluorescent pigs, theirs are the only pigs in the world which are green through and through.

The pigs are transgenic, created by adding genetic material from jellyfish into a normal pig embryo.

For goodness' sake! How bloody irresponsible can you get? I rely on bacon turning green and starting to glow in the dark to inform me that it's probably past its best. How am I going to tell now? I do wish these so-called scientists would stop to think before they start meddling with nature.

If they really must mess around with the porcine genome, why don't they produce something useful for a change, like an even-better-tasting pig (hard to imagine, I know), or one that can mow the lawn or something?

It's stuff like this that gives science a bad name.

A real pea souper

Conversation at work yesterday (I'm the one trying to tell the joke):

"I finally managed to get some pea soup at lunchtime. I've been after some for ages."
"Ah! What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?"
"What do you mean? They're totally different?"
"It's an old joke: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?"
"I don't know."
"Anyone can roast beef."
"Actually, that's not true; some people find it very difficult."
"It's a JOKE! Anyone can roast beef!"
"…?"
"You don't get it, do you?"
"No."
"Think about it."
"…?"
"Question: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Answer: Anyone can roast beef—but…"
"…?"
"…not many people can…?"
"…roast soup!"
"Are you doing this deliberately?"
"Roast peas?"
"PEE SOUP! IT'S PEE SOUP! ANYONE CAN ROAST BEEF, BUT NOT MANY PEOPLE CAN PEE SOUP!"
"…Oh, I get it! That's quite good!"
"I used to think so."

Oh bugger and ARSE!

I'm driving home this evening, happily hollering along with Tom Waits, when I realise that, for the first time in the history of the universe, I might just make it through a particular set of traffic lights first go: there are absolutely no cars in front of me. So I speed up a bit, and whoop in triumph as I cruise through the lights—just as some bloke in a uniform steps out from under a tree and zaps me with his speed gun.

Has anyone noticed the date?

Postscript (05-Feb-2006): Looks as if I got away with it.