Sing, if you're glad to be Che

Spotted on Twitter yesterday:

Stense's chameleon joke

Today marks the 25th anniversary of my friendship with Stense. To celebrate, here's a joke she emailed me last week:

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction.

I think my fondness for crap jokes has finally begun to rub off.

Incidentally, it's a little-known fact that Stense has a passion for amphibians and reptiles. Indeed, the study of amphibians and reptiles is her pet -ology.

(Do you see what I did, there?)

Elf questionnaire

Legolas

An elf towards the end of the Third Age yesterday.

Jen and I watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy on Blu-ray over the weekend. Half-way into The Fellowship of the Ring, I thought of a pretty crap joke, viz:

Q: What's the main cause of death for elves?
A: Blowing out the candles on their birthday cakes.

…Elves are immortal, you see. Thousands of candles. Over-exhaustion.

Please yourself. I told you it was a crap joke. But I didn't let that put me off trying to tell it to Jen…

Me: Do you know what the main cause of death is for elves?
Jen: Pixie-matosis.

Damn! That is so much better than my joke.

Later, as the Fellowship of the Ring were being attacked by thousands of goblins in the Mines of Moria, Jen wondered what in Middle Earth they all ate.

Orc luncheon meat, I suggested.

Still not as good as pixie-matosis, though. Dammit!

Status cymbals

“If you can play a guitar and harmonica at the same time, like Bob Dylan or Neil Young, you're a genius. But make that extra bit of effort and strap some cymbals to your knees, suddenly people want to get the hell away from you.”

—Rich Hall, American comedian.

A joke

A joke doing the rounds on the internet last week, which was 'right up my street':

"I say, I say, I say, my dog's got synaesthesia."
"How does it smell?"
"Purple."

Carolyn's joke

Q: On which side of his house did Jack plant his beanstalk?
A: The outside.

Joke heard on a podcast yesterday

Q: What do you call an exploding monkey?
A: A baboom.