Arseholes

Clueless, window-licking, credulous arseholes.
Repugnant, racist, Daily-Mail-reading arseholes.
Cretinous, xenophobic, bed-wetting arseholes.
Bigoted, jaundiced, flag-waving, arseholes.

Odious, small-minded, knuckle-dragging arseholes.
Despicable, unenlightened, vile, vile, arseholes.
Detestable, deluded, jingoistic arseholes.
Disgusting, intolerant, nationalistic arseholes.

Narrow-minded, hateful, hate-filled arseholes.
Lager-swilling, spittle-drooling, Land-of-Hope-and-Glorifying arseholes.
Slack-jawed, fractious, brown-shirted arseholes.
Empire-yearning, yester-yearing, Union-Jack-draped arseholes.

Pathetic, amoral, stupid, stupid, arseholes.
Senseless, chauvinistic, remember-Agincourting arseholes.
Twisted, fuck-witted, quarter-brained arseholes.
Cloddish, brutish, British arseholes.

Who are you going to blame now?

 

The wait is over

From an email to Stense, 25-May-2012:

Talking of films, have you heard that Transformers 4: Rise of Galvatron is due out in June, 2014? Frankly, I can't wait. Don't get me wrong, I am not in the least bit interested in shite films about giant, shape-shifting robots, whose sole purpose in their non-existent lives is to sell gazillions of shape-shifting robot toys. […] But I need this shite Transformers film to come out (and to go to DVD) as soon as possible, so that I can publish my latest heart-wrenching poem about human relationships. Fancy a sneak preview?

Transformer

A Transformer yesterday.

Well, the good news is that, since I wrote my email to Stense, the powers that be in the cinematic world have decided that Transformers 4: Rise of Galvatron was a pretty rubbish name for a film, so they re-named it Transformers: Age of Extinction—which, I'm sure we all agree is a vast improvement.

But the really, really great news news is that the wait is finally over: Transformers: Age of Extinction is released on DVD and Blu-ray today (Amazon uk|.com).

Which means I can now finally publish my latest heart-wrenching poem about human relationships.

Pinsent

If I were rower Matthew Pinsent,
  I'd have a son and name him Vincent.

Drumlins

Short poem inspired by the view towards Pen-y-Ghent from the B6479 between Selside and Ribblehead, 17th September, 2008:

Drumlins

Basket-of-eggs topography
Is something we did in geography.

I hear the Poet Laureate job is up for grabs in 2009. Don't want Cope and Armitage to think it's a two-horse race.


See also: More of my songs and poems

From the spam folder

Disturbing spam haiku:

Spam haiku

See also: Namesake

Jackhammers

Jackhammers,  
Also known as
Pneumatic
Drills.   
Both totally inappropriate names.
If anything,     
They should be called
Pneumatic chisels.

 
This blank verse malarkey is dead easy. All you have to do is write stuff down with line-breaks in silly places and with your text alignment all to pot. I don't get what all the fuss is about, I really don't.

See also: Songs & Poems

John Thaw

John Thaw's
No more, s(o)
dot-dash-dot, dot-dot,
dot-dash-dash-dot,
Inspector Morse.