Nasty little ginger shit.
That's how I will be referring to the third in line to the throne from now on.
What a total wanker.
It's inherited through the Y chromosome, apparently.
Clarificatory postscript: The nasty little ginger shit should not be confused with the song Holding Back the Years by Simply Red. The latter is a nasty little ginger's hit.
Driving to work shortly before sunrise this morning, I saw the most spectacular shooting star I've ever seen.
If there is anything at all in astrology, then this must surely be a starry messenger. Something big was about to go down.
And then it did:
BBC: Cold weather cools Cadbury sales
A wet summer has put the dampers on drinks sales at the world's biggest confectionery group, Cadbury Schweppes. Its European drinks business was hit by the rain and cold, forcing the group to lower its expectations for profits this year. Cadbury, which sells 7UP, Dr Pepper and Orangina, was particularly hit by poor sales in France and Spain.
Who'd have thought it? The fortunes of the company whose great chocolate rival brought us Mars and Milky Way bars foretold by a shooting star. Who says God doesn't do irony? Mark my words, it's the dawn of a new era.
…But hang on a second. Perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps the shooting star of doom was foretelling this:
BBC: Prince Harry set for army career
Prince Harry will join the Army in early 2005 after passing his Sandhurst entrance exams, Clarence House has said. Obstacle courses, medicals and planning exercise were included in the Regular Commissions Board four-day test. The 20-year-old, who is third in line to the throne, will begin training to be an officer after taking up his place.
BBC: Thousands of creatures washed up
Thousands of jellyfish-like creatures have been washed ashore the south Wales coastline. The Velella velella, which is also known as the 'By-the-wind-sailor' looks similar to jellyfish but is actually a colonial hydroid. Strong winds and recent stormy weather has meant that thousands of the creatures have been washed onto beaches in south Wales.
…or this or this or this:
That's the problem with interpreting portents retrospectively (which is something all the best astrologers seem really good at): how does one decide which 'predicted' event to choose?
BBC: Butler 'will not tell Diana's secrets' (03-Nov-02)
Princess Diana's former butler Paul Burrell will never betray her closest secrets, his solicitor has said.
BBC: Princes' fury over Diana book (24-Oct-03)
Princes William and Harry have accused Paul Burrell, their mother's former butler, of "cold and overt betrayal" over revelations in his forthcoming book.
Cold and overt, eh? Anyone would think those boys have a scriptwriter… Give them hell, Paul.
See also: How feuding and snobbery trapped an innocent man (03-Nov-02).
BBC: Prince Harry admits taking drugs
I can see the headlines now: "His Royal High-ness", "Weed Are Not Amused", "Land of Dope and Glory", "Third In Line to the Stone", "High-grove".