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As you might have noticed, the Gruts website is looking slightly different. I’ve given it a modern single-column look. This will make it more suitable for all those cool kids who do their World-Wide-Web-surfing on their mobile telephones and iTablets.
I’ll also be making some changes behind the scenes over the next few days, so things might be a bit disorganised and ropey for a while.
(More disorganised and ropey than usual, I mean.)
I’m not dead.
I visited hospital for a quick in-and-out operation yesterday. Well, more of a quick pop-it-back-in operation. After waiting more that a decade in the vain hope it might magically sort itself out, I finally got round to having my hernia fixed.
In the pre-op interview, the anaesthetist asked if I was allergic to anything:
—Cats.
—Don’t worry, I don't think we’re likely to encounter any of those in the operating theatre.
—Not if your CAT scanner is working.
—Blimey, that was quick! she laughed.
I didn’t like to admit I’d been waiting over 11 years to repeat my legendary CAT-scanner joke.
—Any other allergies?
—Avocados.
—Avocados: I’ve not heard that one before! How does the allergy manifest itself?
—You really don’t want to know.
—I see. Not to worry, I won’t be administering any intravenous guacamole.
Still, we thought we’d better play it safe:
I’m not watching the soccer, but, dear England fans, the moment to get really worried is when the commentators start using the phrase ‘still mathematically possible’.
Guardian: UK will build own satellite system if frozen out of EU's Galileo – chancellor
The chancellor, Philip Hammond, has warned that the UK will build its own satellite navigation system to rival the European Union’s €10bn Galileo project if Brussels carries out its threat to block access.
So, the nasty little ginger shit is to make an honest woman of Angela Merkel later today. In yer face, Brexiters! Celebrate our heritage! Keep our royal family German!
I remember the day the nasty little ginger shit’s mum married Prince Charles (note my careful wording, there). My dad and I were so excited, we climbed Snowdon simply to get away from the telly.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the horse races.
BBC: Media tactics unravel in run-up to big day
How has Kensington Palace, […] which has rolled out the royal wedding plans and strategy over the past few months, dropped the ball so spectacularly in the last four days?… Over the last couple of months announcements have come and gone, by and large slavishly followed by broadcasters, newspapers and websites
…A courageous minority of them more than a tad ironically, I’m sure you’ll agree.
BBC: Princess Charlotte to be bridesmaid
Three-year-old Princess Charlotte will be one of six young bridesmaids at the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Kensington Palace has said.
Meanwhile, in other news, Brexit is a very bad idea, and Donald Trump is a mentally unstable berk.
BBC: Meghan Markle's father to walk her down aisle
Meghan Markle's father will walk her down the aisle when she marries Prince Harry, the BBC understands.
