Ambient track

Jen and I were watching the film Collateral last night when I realised the tune playing in the background was the same tune that plays in the background during the car chase through Paris in The Bourne Identity. Out of curiosity, I asked the Shazam feature on my iPhone to identify the tune. But before Shazam could listen to and analyse the track, the music faded out.

Never mind, I thought, as I watched Tom Cruise rushing through a crowd of people.

Then, a few seconds later, Shazam gave a little ping and offered the following:

Outdoor Market or Fair Ambience with People Milling Around and Talking by The Hollywood Edge Sound Effects Library.

We are living in the future, and it’s very scary.

Truss: a turkey

It has finally come to this…

Over the last few years, I’ve begun to lose track of who the Prime Minister is.

I can remember they’re a useless, cronyist populist, but that’s not exactly helping. “Is it still that liar,” I wonder to myself, “or is it that other liar?” “Is it that over-privileged Old Etonian, or is it that other over-privileged Old Etonian?” ”Is it that useless woman, or is it…” You see my predicament: they’ve all merged into one.

If only there were some sensible solution to this indistinguishable-PM problem.

Out of respect

Until further notice, out of respect for the late queen, Jen and I will not be listening to any Phil Collins albums.

However, to mark Her Majesty’s long life, and years of dedicated service to the nation, this evening we cooked haddock and leek fishcakes.

Haddock & leek fishcakes

Thank you, ma’am.

Million-pound idea

I think I might finally have come up with a million-pound idea. Jen’s not so sure, but what the hell would she know? I’m putting it out here so nobody can come along later and patent the damn thing…

Bacon-scented perfume!

Is this a sure-fire winner, or what? The whole point of perfume is to smell nice. Everyone in their right mind loves the smell of bacon. Slap on a label with a suspiciously French-looking name with a bunch of unnecessary punctuation marks… Eau de porc. Maison du l’ard. Baçôn de Paris. Bob’s your uncle.

Think I’ll order the Aston Martin right now.

…BLOODY HELLFIRE AND SODDING GODDAMIT!