- hold a pencil between my top lip and my nose (the beard put an end to that—facial hair is far more slippery than skin)
- hop spectacularly fast (ever since I broke my right ankle)
- run 100m in under twelve seconds (ever since I discovered real ale)
- remember the name of that girl everyone in the Durham University physics department fancied (including the women)
- play a mean game of darts
- perform complex integrations
- ride a bicycle without using my hands
- recite the entire story of Ferdinand the Bull by heart
- beat a computer at chess
- read very small print in poor lighting conditions
Not dead
The meat-eating, pro-smokers'-choice, windmill-tilting cat-haters amongst you might be pleased to learn that I'm not dead; I've just been very busy both at work and at home, trying to get stuff sorted out before last Friday, when I finished work for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! It seems almost superfluous to add W 0 0 T !
As I'll be based at home for most of the next two weeks, expect more frequent updates in the near future.
In the meantime, here is a photograph of Dame Maggie Smith:
Tell us something we didn't know
Not guilty!
BBC: Arrow fired through family's cat
A family cat is expected to survive after its body was pierced by an 18-inch aluminium arrow.
I'd have had backup, just to make sure.
(And, at the risk of being pedantic, the arrow wasn't fired through the cat; it was fired into it—as the X-ray photograph accompanying the article quite clearly shows.)
Eco location?
New Scientist: Wind turbines make bat lungs explode
… A new study shows that the moving blades [of wind turbines] cause a drop in pressure that makes the delicate lungs of bats suddenly expand, bursting the tissue's blood vessels. This is known as a barotrauma, and is well-known to scuba divers…
[Scientists] collected 188 dead bats from wind farms across southern Alberta, and determined their cause of death. They found that 90% of the bats had signs of internal haemorrhaging, but only half showed any signs of direct contact with the windmill blades. Only 8% had signs of external injuries but no internal injuries.
The movement of wind-turbine blades creates a vortex of lower air pressure around the blade tips similar to the vortex at the tip of aeroplane wings. Others have suggested that this could be lethal to bats, but until now no-one had carried out necropsies to verify the theory.
Ghetto mentality
BBC: Rome's battle of the bells
In Rome, the capital of Christendom, which has some 600 churches with over 1,500 bells in their bell towers, the ancient art of bell-ringing has almost died out.
I'm sure there must be a good many Christians out there who would object to Rome's being described as the capital of Christendom. Just do a Google search of 'pope' + 'antichrist', if you don't believe me. On second thoughts, don't: life's too short.
As a non-Christian, I take great exception to the area I live in being described as part of Christendom. I also take great exception when news reporters use phrases such as a Moslem area of the city or a Jewish area of the city or a gay area of the city. As far as I'm aware, we don't reserve specific areas of cities for people of specific religions, races or sexual orientations: it's a genuinely offensive idea.
If journalists must describe areas in such ways, they should at least use a qualifier such as predominantly to indicate that the current demographic situation has emerged as a result of the contingencies of history, and should not be taken to endorse exclusivity.
Now, I'm going to get off my hobby-horse and pop down into the Lesbian Capital of Britain for a newspaper.
One-way
Driving into Hebden Bridge for The Sunday Times this morning (our butler reads it), I turned a corner and came face-to-face with an elderly chap driving his car the wrong way down a one-way street. I slammed on my brakes, flashed my lights, and held a finger in the air, mouthing thing the words "ONE WAY!!"
The old chap mounted the pavement and squeezed past me, staring at me as if it was me who was the total fucking idiot.
Compare and contrast
Still, at least they're agreed on one thing: Great Britain came a magnificent fourth.
That's above Australia.
Got that, Bruce?
(Hat-tip to John Lynch.)
Finally some appreciation!
Anonymous emailer Ken Keenes writes:
I am mightily impressed by gruts which I stumbled upon quite by chance whilst researching fart related material via google. Actually, that is not strictly correct as I was looking for 'trapped wind' which I suppose is quite the opposite of fart. Nevertheless, your site is wondrous to behold because of the grammatical clarity and, in my opinion, proper use of punctuation.
I despair at some of the inane ramblings which appear on the internet which are clearly written by someone a) drunk, b) on drugs, c) both, but more importantly who did not pay full attention to English lessons while at school.
Glad to see all those hours of grammatical hell in Messrs Harrison's and Stephens' English lessons weren't a complete waste of time, Ken. I rather pride myself on my punctuation: I think it's important. I make a point of methodically punctuating all of my text messages, and pretending not to be able understand anyone who uses those silly SMS abbreviations. It drives my sister up the wall.
Now all I need is some content to match the quality of the punctuation. Not much chance of that, I'm afraid.
Bored
See also: The Darwinian Revolution