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Observer: 'This much I know' by Joan Bakewell
Society has become obsessed about smoking. I smoked 40 a day for years, through two pregnancies. Never occurred to anyone then. I hit 40 and I remember thinking, 'I really ought to give up.' I thought of buying a pack the other day, though, just because I'm so irritated by this 'don't smoke within two miles of me' stuff.
Ha-ha! Nice one, centurion!
From a instant messaging conversation with Carolyn:
Richard: Do you know if you'll be in Liverpool on Thursday?
Carolyn: Not sure yet - I may well be. In fact it could be a 'probably' but I'm not definite.
And to think I was wondering why Carolyn and I haven't managed to go out for a drink in the last five years.
New Scientist: Enzyme shot restores memory in Alzheimer's mice
It may eventually be possible to restore some of the lost cognitive function and learning ability of people with Alzheimer's disease.
Michael Shelanski of Columbia University in New York and his colleagues knew that an enzyme called ubiquitin C-terminal hydrolase L1 (Uch-L1) is essential for ridding brain cells of unwanted proteins, and that the beta-amyloid protein that forms plaques in the brains of Alzheimer's patients somehow stops production of this enzyme.
When they injected extra Uch-L1 into the brains of mice with the mouse equivalent of Alzheimer's disease, the animals' learning ability improved markedly.
What sort of sadistic asshat chooses a name like ubiquitin C-terminal hydrolase L1 for a chemical that might help people with Alzheimer's? How the hell are they going to remember to ask for that down at Boots?
I'll bet it was the same tosser who decided on the spelling of dyslexia.
A colleague from another department asked me to act as an impartial, disinterested adjudicator in an internal, potentially controversial, prioritisation process yesterday.
It made me feel quite important until I found out they wanted me to judge the winner in a gingerbread-person decoration competiton.
True to form, I exercised the wisdom of Solomon, and plumped for the babe in the bikini.
BBC: Pope 'meant no offence' to Islam
The Vatican has denied that Pope Benedict XVI intended any offence to the Muslim religion, after a speech touching on the concept of holy war…
The remarks have angered clerics and commentators around the Muslim world.
I can't help feeling that the Moslem world is over-reacting. If they would only study the entire text of His Holiness's speech [37kb PDF] before jumping to conclusions, they would see that it wasn't the Pope who insulted the Prophet Mohammed; he was merely quoting one of his illustrious, crusading Byzantine predecessors.
He's an old man, for St Peter's sake! He didn't mean to cause any offence. Cut him a bit of slack, why don't you? So he made a bit of a goof. We're all fallible.
Oh yes, that's right…
Compare and contrast:
Yesterday was Stense's birthday, so I made her a special present. For obvious reasons, I dubbed it a Stensil™.
I'm glad to say, Stense was suitably impressed. She didn't actually say she liked it, but she was certainly impressed all right.
If you'd like to know how I did it, or if you'd like to make a Stensil™ of your own, I have published full, illustrated instructions on a special page entitled How to make your very own Stensil (the instructions include a free PDF template for you to use).
You should give it a go: it's a fun way to waste an awful lot of time, and Stense will be mortified.
See also: How to make your very own Scary Stense greetings card
Information supplied on the side of a bottle of Buxton Natural Mineral Water:
Buxton Natural Mineral Water flows naturally to the surface having filtered for 5000 years through the ancient limestone of the Peak District. From a depth of 1500 metres, it arrives at the surface untouched by man or machine as pure as nature intended.
…And then they squirt it into a plastic bottle and slap a best before date on it.
Guardian: Boris sorry for 'cannibal' comments
Conservative MP ‘Boris’ Johnson has been forced to apologise for causing offence to the people of Papua New Guinea after linking the south-east Asian island state to "cannibalism and chief-killing".
The gaffe-prone Tory education spokesman sparked the outrage of Papua New Guinea's High Commissioner in London Jean L Kekedo…
Port Moresby's British representative insisted cannibalism had been stamped out two centuries ago.
Phew! And to think I've been avoiding Papua New Guinea all these years for fear of being eaten. I feel so stupid.
I think I might owe Stense an apology.
OK, I know I owe Stense an apology:
She and I talked with each other on the phone last night. I was feeling very tired, and my brain wasn't working properly—which is my only excuse really. We were talking about the last time we saw each other, when we went out for a meal at a posh(ish) restaurant. I was trying to be complimentary, for Pete's sake, saying that she had dressed very smartly, whereas I had let the side down by dressing a bit too casually. But what I actually said—I don't know what came over me—was:
"I looked like a pimp."
Which naturally made Stense assume that I was implying that she had looked like a prostitute—which, in her good-natured way, she laughed off.
Stense, if you're reading this, please accept my humble apologies. You looked extremely sophisticated and elegant that evening. I am truly sorry that I inadvertantly implied that you looked like a prostitute. For the record, you did not look anything like a prostitute.
Not even a very high-class one.
See also: Look, I said I was sorry!