Totally unlike crappy hurricanes and tropical cyclones, don't volcanoes have bloody awesome names? Krakatoa, Hekla, Stromboli, Vesuvius, Mount Doom, Eyjafjallajökull, Etna, and now... Hunga Tonga-Hunga Ha’apai.
I'm just saying.
That's more like it!
I'm sorry, I have a kazoo
On Friday evening, Jen and I went to St George's Hall in Bradford to watch two recordings of the long-running comedy radio panel game, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. Sandi Toksvig stood in for regular chairman Jack Dee. The panel comprised Jeremy Hardy, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, and Barry Cryer. I couldn't help noticing that, at 49, I was almost certainly the youngest person in the building. Furthermore, despite being in the centre of Bradford, there wasn't a single non-white face in the house.
In the second half of the show, we, the audience, were asked to play a number of tunes on the kazoos provided, which the panel had to try to identify.
A theatre full of white, middle-aged people playing the theme from The Archers to Sandi Toksvig on kazoos. You don't get more Radio 4 than that.
Begrutten
Futility Closet:
begrutten
adj. having a face swollen from weeping
So, now you know.
(Happy New Year, by the way.)
2014 in a nutshell
It's that time of year again! Here is my fourth annual video slideshow review of the year:
(Click the play button and then the arrows next to the word Vimeo to view the slideshow in full-screen mode.)
As per the previous three years' slideshows, this year's slideshow contains 97 photos. I am nothing, if not consistent.
Once again, I composed the ambient pap backing track on my iPad. It is called Delhicatessen.
See also:
27 not out
I made my 27th consecutive Christmas Eve ascent of Moel Famau earlier today, accompanied by four dogs, Irish Mick, and almost an entire soccer team provided by Carolyn (some of whom I had never met before). This wasn't so much a walk as an expedition.
As usual, it was very windy on top. So windy, in fact, that one of our team got blown away:
One particularly large gust even caught Carolyn off guard:
As I've said before, you will stop me if this becomes boring, won't you?
See also:
Bishop's mate
Just saw this on the BBC News home page:
I initially misread the headline as: Welby seeks gay marriage ‘bride’.
Now that would have been newsworthy!
The woman from UNCLE
When I was at Boots the Chemist this morning, I couldn’t help noticing that the woman behind the counter was wearing a black T-shirt with the word UNCLE emblazoned across her chest.
She didn’t look like any sort of uncle I’d ever seen. I wondered if her T-shirt’s inscription was intended as some strange take on the American phrase to say uncle. Somehow I doubted it. I toyed with the idea of making a lame joke about her being the Woman from Uncle, but, in the end, having lived in Yorkshire for many years, I decided that the direct approach was best:
“Do you know you've got the word UNCLE written on your T-shirt?” I asked.
The woman looked momentarily confused, stepped back, then tugged at the bottom of her T-shirt, stretching it out to reveal the word JINGLE, with a little star over the I.
This woman is allowed to dispense drugs.
Pontificating
BBC News: Pope Francis tries to build bridges in sceptical Turkey
Do you see what they did, there?...
Pontiff, from pontifex, from pons facere, the Latin for to make a bridge.
[My old Latin teacher, Spiny Norman, would be so proud of me.]
Vote for me!
OK, Gruts Gang, its time to make yourselves useful [too late: didn't win].
The Hebden Bridge Times and Todmorden News are running a ridiculously complicated photography competition. I have entered, and my photo has made the semi-finals. There are 13 photos in the semi-finals (I told you it was ridiculously complicated). To make the final six (no, really), my photo needs your votes.
Now, here comes the really complicated part. You can vote in several ways, and you are allowed to vote in more ways than one. So, what I need you to do is to go here, then do AS MANY OF THE FOLLOWING as possible (depending on which of the following you have access to):
click the Facebook Like button alongside the articleclick the Twitter button to share the articleclick the G+ button alongside the article to share on Google+click the LinkedIn button alongside the articleleave a COMMENT (or several comments!) against the article(most importantly) ask all your friends to do the same
…then, if you're feeling really bored, you can try to do the same on this page.
The voting closes as midday on 1st December, 2014.
I have been assured—and you will no doubt be relieved to hear—that there will be no swimming costume round.
Oh, just in case you're wondering what my photo looks like, here it is:
The wait is over
From an email to Stense, 25-May-2012:
Talking of films, have you heard that Transformers 4: Rise of Galvatron is due out in June, 2014? Frankly, I can't wait. Don't get me wrong, I am not in the least bit interested in shite films about giant, shape-shifting robots, whose sole purpose in their non-existent lives is to sell gazillions of shape-shifting robot toys. […] But I need this shite Transformers film to come out (and to go to DVD) as soon as possible, so that I can publish my latest heart-wrenching poem about human relationships. Fancy a sneak preview?
Well, the good news is that, since I wrote my email to Stense, the powers that be in the cinematic world have decided that Transformers 4: Rise of Galvatron was a pretty rubbish name for a film, so they re-named it Transformers: Age of Extinction—which, I'm sure we all agree is a vast improvement.
But the really, really great news news is that the wait is finally over: Transformers: Age of Extinction is released on DVD and Blu-ray today.
Which means I can now finally publish my latest heart-wrenching poem about human relationships.
Note: I will receive a small referral fee if you buy via one of the above links.