Plebs

So, the Tory Chief Whip, Andrew Mitchell, reportedly referred to police officers who were trying to do their jobs as ‘fucking plebs’ *, telling them it was ‘best you learn your fucking place’.

The angry tirade was sparked when the officers, following official parliamentary security procedures, refused to open the main gate for Mr Mitchell, and, instead, required him to push his bicycle through a side gate.

I have to say, Mitchell's expletive-filled over-reaction to this minor inconvenience demonstrates the misplaced air of superiority felt, and the utter contempt in which we ordinary people seem to be held, by the majority of urban cyclists Tory MPs.

* Postscript (17-Jun-2013): Oh, apparently he might not have. Still, though.

Postscript (27-Nov-2014): Oh, apparently he probably did.

Otherwise engaged

Sorry for the lack of updates recently: I've been busy chasing cows (don't ask), our main computer's video card has decided to fry itself, and I've generally been run off my feet.

On the nice side, though, I met Stense in North Wales on Monday, and we went for a knackering walk in the hills, followed by a pub lunch, followed by ice-creams and coffees in Llangollen.

Stense point-blank refused to let me take any photos of her this time, so here's an artist's impression:

Stense
Stense in Wales (artist's impression).

Personally, I don't think it does Stense any justice at all, but needs must where the Devil Gate Drive.

Jen and I are off to Anglesey for a week soon, so be good while we're away.

Small steps

In the early hours of 21st July, 1969, my Dad woke me (age 4), and carried me downstairs so that he could hold me in front of the telly as Neil Armstrong took a giant leap for Mankind. Mum thought Dad was crazy. I shall forever be in his debt.

I must have seen that footage several hundred times since, so I cannot hand-on-heart say that I remember the live event, rather than some re-run. But I saw it: that's the important thing—as Dad fully appreciated.

Thanks, Dad.

Neil Armstrong
Neil Armstrong (1930–2012)

Inexperienced heraldry

An inexperienced heraldist resembles a medieval traveler who brings back from the East the faunal fantasies influenced by the domestic bestiary he possessed all along rather than by the results of zoological exploration.
—Vladimir Nabokov, Speak, Memory, Ch. 3

 
Discuss.

StarWars™ neck-accoutrement pun challenge

Hitchin and his family are currently on holiday in the Yorkshire Dales, so, last weekend, Jen and I went over to visit them.

The Hitchins last Saturday
The Hitchins last Saturday

Hitchin proposed a walk. It was only a few inches on the map. But that (i.e. we) failed to take into account all of the contours involved. Then the sun came out. It was bloody knackering.

Arkleside Moor
Somewhere in the middle of nowhere last Saturday.
TIE fighter
A Twin-Ion Engine fighter a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Anyhoo, Hitchin's two lads are big StarWars™ fans, and, during lunch the following day, they informed me that StarWars™ TIE fighters are so named because they have Twin-Ion Engines. I told them (only half-jokingly) that I had always thought that TIE fighters were so named because of their resemblance to bow ties. I then joked that, had George Lucas wanted to continue the neckwear-related theme, he should have called those walking-tank things cravAT-ATs. (Do you see what I did there?)

So, over to you, Gruts Gang: can you think of any StarWars™ neck-accoutrement-related puns? Fifteen points for the worst answer. (But no points at all for Episode IV: A Noose Hope, because that has Jar-Jar Binks in it.)

More photos from our ridiculous walk »

Putting the Olympics into perspective

So, Team GB finished the 2012 London Olympics with a magnificent haul of 29 gold medals.

Let's put that figure into some sort of perspective. If you were to trade each one of Team GB's gold medals for an African elephant, you would have 29 African elephants: a sizeable herd in anyone's book.

If you were to trade each one of the USA's 46 gold medals for a hairy wood ant, however, you would only have 46 hairy wood ants: barely enough to form a viable colony. And if you were to trade each one of China's 38 gold medals for a honey bee, their entire lifetimes' honey output, assuming 36 of them were drones, would be insufficient to fill a packet of Lockets honey and lemon cough sweets.

A herd of African elephants versus a struggling colony of wood ants, or half a packet of Lockets. Just dwell on that comparison for a union-flag-waving moment.

(The least said about Australia's paltry seven termites the better.)