Doodle

I don't have an artistic bone in my body, but the iPad Brushes app makes cheating very easy.

WG Sebald
W.G. Sebald (1944–2001)

Original photo here.

Getting technical

Jen in conversation with her friend the farmer yesterday:

“What did you get Richard for his birthday?”
“An iPad.”
“…” [blank look]
“A type of computer.”
“Oh! So not a triangular piece of leather for covering a damaged eye, then.”

Cloooossshhhh!!

… the noise made by my glasses case (containing my glasses), as it flew out of my pocket and into the flushing toilet last night.

Ambient Pap, Track 01: Synthetic Hip

Last April, you might remember that I came up with a list of new music genres.

As nobody else has yet seen fit to record music in any of these new genres, I have decided to put together my own album of Ambient Pap tracks. Here is the first track, which I have named Synthetic Hip in honour of the aforementioned post last April. The track is designed to be played in a continuous loop (which should come in very handy when I need some background music for a video):

Or, to put it another way, Jen bought me an iPad for my birthday. She is one cool dude.

Soaking it in

I love early Springtime: flowers coming into bloom, bumble-bees buzzing around the garden, the first butterflies of the year, birds getting frolicky, the evenings getting longer. Spring is a great time to be alive.

The week before last, Jen and I went for a long paddle on the Northumberland coast. Last Sunday, I sat on a bench in the garden in my shirt-sleeves, reading the London Review of Books, drinking a mug of tea, and soaking in the sun. How perfect is that?

Our house this morning
Our house this morning.

We don't have climate in Britain; we have bloody weather.

Alternative history

Guardian video: Robert Harris on Fatherland: 'What would have happened if Hitler had won?'

Answer: They would have banned smoking in all public buildings, started monitoring all of our personal correspondence, anaesthetised our brains with vapid television and radio programmes, banned dogs from beaches, and sold us a pack of lies about how we could combat climate change with a few windmills.

But I suppose the trains would at least run on time.

Killed by monkeys

As we saw yesterday, Sigurd the Mighty received his comeuppance at the tooth of his decapitated enemy, Máel Brigte the Bucktoothed. The same could not be said for Aléxandros, Vasiléfs ton Ellínon, King of Greece from 1917–1920, who met his end at the teeth of a pair of irate monkeys. Wikipedia takes up the story:

The attack occurred on 2 October 1920. In the report dispatched from Europe, it was stated that the King had been walking in the park with a pet dog, when the dog was attacked by a monkey. The King fended off the monkey with a stick but in the fight the monkey bit him on the hand slightly. "Another monkey rushed to the defense of his mate, and in fending it off, the King received another bite which severely lacerated a gland. The infection which set in following the bites gradually poisoned the King's entire system ..." Both animals were found to have been diseased after they were destroyed. Within days, he developed a severe reaction to the infection, and after initial signs of improvement, became critically ill on 12 October. […] On 25 October 1920 King Alexander died at Athens, of sepsis.

Pict on someone your own size

You have to hand it to Máel Brigte the Bucktoothed, he certainly had style:

Wikipedia: Máel Brigte of Moray

Máel Brigte, also known as Máel Brigte the Bucktoothed or Máel Brigte Tusk was a 9th century Pictish nobleman, most probably a Mormaer of Moray. He was responsible—in a bizarre posthumous incident—for the death of Sigurd the Mighty, Earl of Orkney. '

Little is known of Máel Brigte's life, but the story of his death is recorded in the Orkneyinga Saga. According to this text, Máel Brigte was challenged by Sigurd to a 40-man-a-side battle to "settle their differences". Treacherously, Sigurd brought 80 men to the fight, and Máel Brigte knew he had been betrayed when he saw that each of Sigurd's horses had two mens' legs on its flanks. Máel Brigte exhorted his men to "kill at least one man before we die ourselves" and although a fierce fight ensued he was quickly defeated and killed. Sigurd had his enemies' heads strapped to his victorious men's saddles as trophies, but as Sigurd rode home, Máel Brigte's buck-tooth scratched his leg. The leg became inflamed and infected, and as a result Sigurd died.